No more 24 before bed.

I’m startled from deep sleep by a loud “POP! POP! POP!” My brain shrieks, “WE’RE TAKING FIRE!!” What follows is why I'm banned from watching Jack Bauer before bed. Last night, Matt & I endured the most frightening experience of our lives. It’s approximately 2 AM and I’m startled from a deep sleep by a loud “POP! POP! POP!” My first thought is, “What is happening!?” This is closely followed by, “WE’RE TAKING FIRE!!!!”

I scream, cover my head, and turn to huddle into Matt’s side. My scream wakes Matt, who opens his eyes to see something flying toward his face. He emits what can only be described as a guttural “GAHH” and pulls the sheet over his face.

The POP POP POP continues, and my mind races between “FIREWORKS!?” “THE ROOF IS COLLAPSING!?” “MACHINE GUN FIRE!!!!!”

Then, what is already terrifying becomes absolutely dumbfounding as we hear an electronic-sounding voice begin singing, “Happy Birthday to You.”

The Happy Birthday song is such a bizarre turn of events, we both open our eyes (and Matt removes the sheet from his head). At this point we see that the gigantic singing helium balloon (that had been stuck in the vaulted corner of the bedroom ceiling since my birthday THREE MONTHS AGO) has finally been pulled into the ceiling fan.

Upon this revelation, I erupt in laughter. I mean really, the fact that neither of us had released our bowels is nothing short of a miracle. Matt doesn’t embrace the humor so quickly. Sadly, he continues flashing back to the moment he awoke to see an unknown object flying toward his face. (Which he now knows was the balloon being hit toward him by the fan blade. But the damage has been done.)

I, on the other hand, remember I’d been dreaming I was on a covert mission with Jack Bauer, which may or may not have influenced my reaction. (NO MORE 24 BEFORE BED.)

All that to say, we are safe, and there was no gunfire (or fireworks, or roof damage). Just a ceiling fan and a very scary balloon.


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